Monthly Archives: February 2012

Am I real?

Sometimes, when I have nothing else to do except to lie down and wait for sleep to overpower me, I would think about the extremely bad things in life:

What will happen if I die? What will I die of and who will be coming to my wake? How useless I was for not being able to give back to my parents for all their hard work..

What will happen if I lose someone I love? Will I be crying as hard as those in television? Will there be times when I space out and find myself in a different place? What will I say or do if we meet again?

What will happen if I end up poorer than I am now?

I would cry just by thinking about all of these. And I never show my tears to anyone. They will just laugh at me and tell me I’m crazy or too paranoid, haha!

Five seconds later, when I exhausted my emotional self, I would think about happy and triumphant thoughts. (I don’t know about you, but I see this as an ‘exfoliating/rejuvenating’ process)

I would think about how happy I will be if I end up with someone I really loved and be able to share my future with him.

I would think about the children I will send to school—mine or not. I would think about how to reprimand them, teach them Math (a subject I am not good at) and watch them grow.

I would think about how will I be able to let my children taste how wonderfully I cook if I cannot cook right now.

And, I would smile until I sleep.

The Enigma That Is Mr. _

There will always be this person who will be an enigma to you.

He and you were not classmates. He and you do not belong to the same clique. He and you do not share common interests. He and you have not really shared a conversation.

But you found yourself admiring him. Because of how he faces life with a sarcastic tongue and a brilliant mind that shocks even those who take a bath and comb their hair everyday.

My friends and I agree that this person is every inch an ideal man for any girl. But he seems unlucky when it comes to love. For chrissakes, he deserves to be loved! But how cruel the world is, for letting him be among those who love—only he does not get his love back.

He is one-of-a-kind. As I write this, I sometime wonder if I ever had a crush on him. No, you would not fall for his looks. It would be because of his brilliance, his wit, his words.

Luck is the future girl, we think, as we see him pass by, ready for the next class. His eyes never look kind.

Sa Tiyangge Ni Tita:]

Sa may tiyangge ni tita,
magahod ang mga bata.
Magahod man ang anda mga Nanay,
samtang ginabuyayaw ang anda mga Tatay.

Gahampang Chinese garter ang mga bata nga baye,
kag ga-back dive ang mga bata nga lalaki.
Samtang si Tatay,
padayon lang ang tagay.

Pag-abot ni Nanay halin sa tinda,
layo pa, gasinggitan na.
Ginpasulod sa balay ang bata nga baye,
kag ginpa-apas man ang bata nga lalaki.

Kag si Tatay,
nga padayon gihapon ang tagay
“Paghalin ko gatagay ka,
pagbalik ko, damo na nga tansan ang galapta”.

Kag ginparaspas si Tatay
sang bitbit nga isda.
Kaluluoy man ang isda nga gahulat-hulat man tani
nga maprito sa kaldero nga indi kiwi.

This “bragging activity”.

I’m sitting on top of sacks of rice as I am writing this. This is the only area in my aunt’s store where the Internet access is not disturbed.

I find it a bit ironic and funny. I look like I am bragging about my almost dilapidated laptop while blasting Rivermaya, EHeads and Parokya. If I would see myself, I might snort at the sight of me, haha! I look like a braggart because I in a place where irony is walking by you everyday–rich people walking, poor but good-looking couple running after their kids, tricycle drivers sporting phones worth over 10, 000 pesos.

This “bragging activity” lets me into their lifestyle: the kind of life they live through the kind of things they buy from my aunt’s store, their daily problems, their kids’ problems with school and more.

But deep inside, I hope they do not see me as a braggart. I still care about what people say even when my face doesn’t say it. But if they do, it’s OK. I’d still sell them candy. :D